Saturday Morning Confessional

#44: NOTHING

2011-01-21T14:57:00.000-08:00

Romans 8:37-39
37 Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. 38 For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, 39 nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Yet we condemn ourselves and forget these words.

#43: Vacation Time!... or not?

2010-08-18T11:39:00.000-07:00

STILL SMALL VOICE CONFESSION*
These confessions are my favorite, but I had not written one down before since they were such intimate conversations between the Lord and myself. A lot of it is sheer conviction. This one situation in particular...

Flashback about 2 summers ago...
I was driving on the 60 Freeway in California chatting it up with the Lord. I guess my first mistake was living in California, my second would be driving on one of its atrocious freeways.
I was telling the Lord how jazzed I was that the church I was attending is sponsoring me to basically go global with them. I'd be traveling to He knows where doing He knows what. I was so stoked. Hungary. Peru. India. China.And many more, All within the next year.
THIS was IT. This was the exciting missionary life. So the convo went a little like this:

"Okay Lord! I'm going to serve you and travel and spread the Good News and see you work mightily and..."
"No you're not"
"WHAT are you talking about. I'm saying SEND ME, you know like homeboy Isaiah told you, I'm going to the ends of the earth for You and.."
"No Priscilla, if you go on these trips, call them vacations, because your heart is not going to serve Me but to see the world. Your main course is adventure with a side salad of "evangelism" if the dressing fits..."

Ouch. Hit me where it hurts.

I really wasn't going to serve the Lord. My heart wasn't even in missions. It was just for the adventure of it.
I read a quote that said something along the lines of, "If you can't be a Christian where you are at, you can not be a Christian anywhere." (if anyone can give me the exact quote I'll give you a high-5!)
Driving on California's freeways proved that being a Christian where I am at was a testing thing.
How can I sincerely go and spread the Gospel in another country, when I don't even do it as passionately in my own? How can I pray with families, when I had not even been praying with my own. How can I expect to see miraculous things, when I have a less than miraculous faith here at home?

I had a heart change facilitated by the Spirit itself. Praise God for conviction, Amen? My heart breaks for the third world countries who are hungry and unhealthy, but I envy their longing for Scripture and their hunger and thirst for it. I began to realize, WE NEED THAT HERE. My prayer became more of, "LORD, please make SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA as hungry for You and Your Kingdom as the Chinese believers who are persecuted for Your GLORY. My prayer is no longer to travel to these countries but more-so that the Lord will continue to raise up Disciples to revolutionize our own.

I am excited to hear of a generation of people my age who the Lord is preparing to take America by storm and LIVE the Gospel out in such a way that Men will see our good works and Glorify our Father in Heaven. All of this can be done without even stepping into an airport.

“Catch on fire with enthusiasm and people will come for miles to watch you burn.”

John Wesley

#42: The Rest of the Victorious

2010-08-04T13:12:00.000-07:00

Confession: I know nothing of this rest... but I need to practice it.

"There is nothing-
no circumstance,
no trouble,
no testing-
that can ever touch me until, first of all, it has gone past God and past Christ right through to me.

If it has come that far, it has come with a great purpose,
which I may not understand at the moment.

But as I refuse to become panicky, as I life up my eyes to Him and accept it as coming from the throne of God for some great purpose of blessing to my own heart,
no sorrow will ever disturb me,
no trial will ever disarm me,
no circumstance will cause me to fret

for I shall rest in the joy of what my Lord IS!
THAT is the rest of VICTORY."

Sir Alan Redpath

#42: I hate PC

2010-08-03T18:00:00.000-07:00

and Mac for that matter.
I hate relying on Adobe before i can program the site.
I hate 1600 errors when jail breaking/unlocking iPhones

I hate how Apple doesn't like my Android.
I hate how my Android doesn't like Apple.
I hate programing new ish for my Android, why can't someone ELSE do it?

Can't we all just get along?

one month till im married.thankkk Jesus
Tech rant, 5:49pm

#41: Rains A'comin!

2010-08-03T15:15:00.000-07:00

Confession #41, I stop at the first prayer...

1 Kings 17:1, 1 Kings 18:41-46 and James 5:16

Elijah. Many awesome story's are told of this prophet. One of my favorites, is when it rains.

In 1 Kings 17 it tells of a severely drought that Israel was plagued with due to their disobedience to the Lord. Elijah predicted the drought and because of it, his was was in danger. At that time king Ahab was ruling. Ahab is described as the most evil king of Israel, and for just reason, too.

In chapter 18 of 1 Kings we come to see the Lord perform awesome wonders in front of His people, and Elijah is used mightily by the Lord. Verses 41-46 leave me in awe.

In these verses we find Elijah declaring that rain will be coming. The land has been barren and without rain for a long time now, so this proclamation seemed absolutely absurd.
Yet Elijah speaks with such conviction as he shouts to Ahab, "Go get something to eat and drink, for I hear a mighty rainstorm coming!"
Scene change, Elijah is now on top of a mountain where he has the best view of any impending rainclouds. You can almost picture him kneeling on the floor, with his face bowed low to his lap and his hands prostrated before the Lord as he prayed.
And he prayed,
and prayed,
and prayed some more..

"Go see if any rain clouds are coming, yet," he tells his assistant, as if Elijah already knew his prayer had been answered and it was only a matter of time. "Nope, nada, nothing, zippo!" was his servants reply.

Back down on his knees Elijah went. And he prayed.
and he prayed,
and he prayed some more.

Elijah told his servant to look six more times (Seven times in all-- coincidence that this is also the number that is symbolic for completion in the Bible? I think NOT!) seven times Elijah's servant responded with, "I see nothing," and thus Elijah went back on his knees, and began to pray more.

You can picture this man, hot, sweaty, maybe even a little sunburnt on this hill. He gets up in anticipation of an answered prayer. He is praying so hard his back hurts and he is exhausted. Each time he stands up he is exasperated , yet he patiently awaits his answer. The servant by this time may have even lost interest. He may have even lost hope.

And finally, the seventh time. Elijah stands up and tells his servant to look out towards the sea. The servant comes back and responds, "I see a cloud, super tiny, about as small as my fist, nothing too impressive to cause a storm.'
Elijah's spirits are renewed. "RUN AND TELL AHAB TO GO HOME, OR THE RAIN WILL SOON STOP HIM!"
If I were the servant, I would have started running with a baffled look on my face. I would have wondered why Elijah had so much faith in a raincloud that was so small.

Elijah remembered something that we often forget, the Lord is FAITHFUL to His people. The Lord answers in His own time. Just because we do not get an answer right away, does not mean we will not get one at all.

Within moments it says that, "And soon the sky was black with clouds. A heavy wind brought a terrific rainstorm."

"The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much."

James 5:16

#40: Building Altars

2010-07-27T15:33:00.000-07:00

Confession: I need to build more altars.

And Abram(Abraham), built an altar (v7).
And an altar (v8).
And an.. wait.. No altar? (v10)

After the Lord promised Mr. Abe that he will be granted land, Abraham established an altar. What was an altar? Well, it was many things but in this situation it was gratitude, sacrifice, fellowship, and remembrance, all wrapped into one.

[GRATITUDE] Abe was so grateful and in awe of the promises that the Lord was giving him.
[COMMUNION] The gratitude instilled in Abraham the desire to partake in a pure and unadulterated communion with the Lord.
[SACRIFICE] Abe knew nothing he could offer the Lord would be enough, yet he still gave anyways. Why? Sacrifice. When you love someone you are willing to give up quite near anything for them, even if it is your "oh-so-valuable" time.
[FELLOWSHIP] Abe fellowshipped with the Lord at the altar. This fellowship gave him the wisdom of choices. Ever hear the phrase, "show me a man's friends and I will show you the man"? Well, there is far more truth in that simple adage then we often realize. Who you hang around is almost always who you become. With that in mind, hanging out with God and building altars was probably a good idea.
[REMEMBRANCE] Along with all the other beauties of establishing an altar, remembrance was a huge benefit. So many times we see God’s people forgetting His promises, His Salvation, His Grace, and the Redemption He has given us so FREELY. The altar was to be a remembrance of that promise, just as a rainbow is a reminder that God will never flood the earth again.

But alas! What happens in verse 10. There is a problem in the land and mister Abe begins to fret. They fled to Egypt (which is mostly symbolic of "the world" in Scriptures). No altar is built.
"So What?," you might ask, "We don't need to build an altar each time we do something and he was protecting his family."

Well check this out. In the next verses, what happens? What is this? Abe LIES?! He tells the Egyptians that his wife is really his sister, so they won’t swoop on her. A lack of faith begins to be prominent. That promise that God gave Abe wasn't as fresh as he once remembered it. There is no mention of an altar being built... for a reason.
This is merely speculation, but I believe that communion with the Lord reminds us of His promises. I also believe that running to the world helps us to forget them. Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if Abram did stop to build that altar. Would he still have lied? Or would the Lord have saved Him as well as his family in a Supernatural, God-style, way?

If you keep reading, you see that Abram is still protected regardless of his lie, because we have an Awesome and Merciful God. But maybe Abram was onto something building those altars, the communion, the fellowship, the gratitude; I would argue that building altars to the Lord keeps us from sin.

Just sayin’

#39 GOOOOOOOOOOOOALLL

2010-07-12T02:11:00.000-07:00

With the World Cup Tourney just ending, there has been a lot of talks about GOALS, or if you're a Latino futbol narrator, it is best pronounced, "GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLL." Yes, I went there.
That however, is not the type of goal I am talking about. I'm talking about life goals. For some a life goal is merely graduating high school, for others, its obtaining that Phd. Some people would like to live a life of adventure and travel across the seas, others would simply like to raise a family in their hometown and work their father's job.
What of my goals? That, my friend, is the problem. They're ever fluctuating. At one point in life, and for a large portion of it, my goal was to finish my double major with 2 degrees while accepting my Magna Cum Laude tassel from my four-year University. After I was to fly up to L&C, finish my law degree, pass the bar, and be making well over 80k before I become a legalized drinker in good 'ole CA.
My how things have changed.

Solomon, aka the preacher, was right. All is vanity.

Ecclesiastes 12:13-14

¹³ Now all has been heard;
       here is the conclusion of the matter:
       Fear God and keep his commandments,
       for this is the whole duty of man.
¹⁴ For God will bring every deed into judgment,
       including every hidden thing,
       whether it is good or evil.

#38 Not All Who Wander are Lost

2010-06-17T10:37:00.000-07:00

I'm a huge fan of literary genius. Obviously.
One of my favorite authors is C.S.Lewis. However, a good friend of his, Mister John Ronald Reuel Tolkien, or J.R.R. Tolkien, actually led him to the Lord.

Tolkien, I believe, does not get nearly as much attention as Lewis in the realm of Christianity. This doesn't mean that he is less of a Christian, or that he has no merit. On the contrary, If Tolkien was used by the Lord to bring Lewis to Him, he must be quite a intellectual.

I was reading about Tolkien today, and a quote really phased me. It went something like, "

“All that is gold does not glitter; not all those that wander are lost.”

Its quite a remarkable comparison. It also is a statement of HOPE that is grounded in Biblical truth. Its a comfort to read, considering Ben and I have been saddened over the Spiritual state of some of our friends.

Some know my extent of LOTR fan-ship was deeply rooted (that was before I realized how idolatry equates to spending more time enjoying other people than you do the Lord, yeah I'm still often guilty of it) and for those of you that do not know the extenuating circumstances, it really is NUNYA. But for the sake of geekery, Tolkien says in one of the LOTR books:

“He should not vow to walk in the dark, who has not seen the nightfall.”

Fascinating statement. I see my friends who have clung to their own metaphysics, pantheism, dualism, relativism, agnosticism, atheism, whatever-the-heck "isms" they want to believe. The thing is, they swear by these things, when they truly have no concept of what kind of spirituality they are stepping into.

-Our friends are looking for vain philosophies and pseudo-truths to cure their curious appetite for a Savior.

-They look to those whom the world itself perceives as gods among men to cure a desire for THE GOD.

-They look for rationals to cure their desire for a Supernatural.

The funny thing is, Paul mentioned this would happen in 1 Corinthians 1:

"For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God.For it is written:

'I will destroy the wisdom of the wise;
the intelligence of the intelligent I will frustrate.'"

Its amazing how people perceive the Bible to be so foolish. To be so insignificant. To be less than the very written Word of God. Its funny how that "insignificant" "less than the Word of God" book, knows those people better than they know themselves.

I guess it really comes down to what the Bible says and what Tolkien so properly reiterates, “He should not vow to walk in the dark, who has not seen the nightfall.” Be careful in what light you choose to walk, because you don't know how far you'll fall.

#37: A Week of Fires

2010-05-21T11:45:00.000-07:00

A man who spent a majority of his life with a face trodden with caked on dirt, clothes that were constantly torn to shreds in mourning, a body beaten and bruised, by a life that was threatened daily, wrote a Psalm that permeates through the confines of time itself.

A man after God's heart knew the secret to living for an eternity; this secret reverberated in his heart of hearts and projected from his mouth as soulful worship:

Praise the LORD!
         Praise God in His sanctuary;
         Praise Him in His mighty firmament!
Praise Him for His mighty acts;
         Praise Him according to His excellent greatness!
Praise Him with the sound of the trumpet;
         Praise Him with the lute and harp!
Praise Him with the timbrel and dance;
         Praise Him with stringed instruments and flutes!
Praise Him with loud cymbals;
         Praise Him with clashing cymbals!
Let everything that has breath praise the LORD.
         Praise the LORD!

This man was sifted and tried. He was thrown in the refining fire while it burned more furiously than with others. Yet it was all worth it. If the Lord gives us a promise, yet tells us we'll face death by fire to receive it, is it worth it? I believe that the man I've been referring to would have taken torture a thousand times more excruciating for the Glory and Unity of him with his Savior.

This man was David, and David understood something that I still have yet to learn: Even the most beautiful of items, went through the fire.
Glass.
Sculptures.
Pottery.
Gold.
Silver.
You.
The refiners fire.

This week at my work I noticed that all of the lights were out in an elaborate chandelier we have. I decided to change them. There were about 8 bulbs that had burned out. As I was about to finish screwing in bulb #3, I heard a "tick, tick , creak, KAPLOW." Multiple mushroom clouds of potent, white smoke expunged itself from the wiring and chain that held the chandelier. Amidst the smoke I saw the blue flame glowing, it made its way up the chain and became a furious blue and yellow flame. FIRE! Now, I will admit, an expletive did leak out of my mouth, but it was not nearly as potent as the putrid white smoke that filled our lungs. The fire ate through the metal chord that was entwined in the chain to provide electricity to the dangling chandelier. Now, the only thing that is left, is the chain links.

What is the point in that story? Well, a lot of people would see the fire as being a detrimental thing. Yes, in some ways it was. HOWEVER, the fire dissipated and only made us realize that the problem lied much deeper than the chord, but rather, a series of electrical hazards and pinched wires that could have set fire to the whole building. The chandelier is now being repaired, having the chord replaced, and re-polished.

If that fire hadn't sparked, the underlying problem would have not been corrected.

David would not have been "a man after God's own heart," if he hadn't known the sacrifice and perseverance that came from suffering, better yet, from trusting.
A man has to die to himself to truly acquire the beauty of passion and ministry. It is a painful process.

The Lord says when you lose your life you will GAIN it.

Be careful what you allow your life to revolve around, because that may just be what is going to be used to refine you.

You see, the refiners fire corrects the incorrect in you. The fire encompasses the core of your very being and burns. It fills every nook and crevice that you think is hidden, it takes every thought captive. It takes all that you think you know to be true and melts all of your idols in front of your face. The fire only leaves one truth standing and that is your Salvation in Jesus Christ alone. Praise God for Christ and the refining Holy Spirit.

The fire may hurt, but don't be blind to what it is igniting in your soul. It heats the ash that lingers and only beauty will come from it..

Malachi 3:2

But who can endure the day of His coming? And who can stand when He appears?
For He is like a refiner’s fire And like launderers’ soap.

#36 "These are un-predictable times..."

2010-05-20T09:54:00.000-07:00

... one of my over-seers at work said this. Sometimes I wonder if people realize how even their statements yearn for a Savior.

#35 Where Much Sin Abounds

2010-05-19T11:58:00.000-07:00

You don't repent to earn Salvation, if you could earn Salvation, Christ would not have died...

The story goes that a public sinner was excommunicated and forbidden entry to the church.
He took his woes to God, "They won't let me in, Lord, because I am a sinner."
"What are you complaining about?" said God, "They won't let Me in either."

#34 This Kind of Liquor

2010-05-18T11:29:00.000-07:00

The reformation was a time when men went blind, staggering drunk because they had discovered, in the dusty basement of late medieval-ism, a whole cellarful of fifteen-hundred-year-old, two hundred proof grace-- of bottle after bottle of pure distillate of Scripture, one sip of which would convince anyone that God saves us single-handedly. The word of the Gospel- after all those centuries of trying to life yourself into heaven by worrying about the perfection of your bootstraps- suddenly turned out to be a flat announcement that the saved were home before they started..... Grace has to be drunk straight; no water, no ice, and certainly no ginger ale; neither goodness, nor badness, nor the flowers that bloom in the spring of super spirituality could be allowed to enter into the case.

-Robert Capone

GUEST Confession #1: Brother Adam

2010-02-28T02:31:00.000-08:00

Hello Confessional Crew. I'm afraid that I was tasked with writing a blog on here some time ago and I am once again late for a Saturday morning confessional. I suppose you'll all just have to settle for a Sunday, 2:29 AM confessional. By the way, my name is John.

My confession is failure.

I suppose there is something to be gained in failure.

Failure here on earth causes me to be weary of this old world and all its trappings. Through the regular exercise of my willpower, and the all-too-consistent failure thereof, I begin to desire something more. I desire something beyond my own doing; something I can't "screw up."

I desire the day when Up is Up, Faith is Sight, and Joy is not a passing thing. I suppose I wax "eloquent" when I take the matter I'm speaking about seriously. Forgive my foolishness, I just take grand situations for what they are. I'm often asked why I'm so dramatic. Actually, I believe overdramatic is the term used. I simply respond with, "This is life. If you can't find drama here, then where is it supposed to be found?"

Enough of my musing, and back to the subject at hand.

Failure. I fail often. Like Jacob.

I can never figure out whether the heart of Genesis 32 is that Jacob wrestles with God or if God struggles with Jacob. I suppose it's rather answerable when you read it. Does God struggle? Can He? Perhaps. He says He does. Perhaps the accepted notion of a perfectly somber and balanced diety is out of character with God? God help me, I do not mean to say by any stretch that God is "unbalanced" or in any way bad. However, perhaps He feels at such extremes that neither I nor any other mortal could ever concieve. Perhaps He's not the Stoic we have made Him out to be. Perhaps.

How does He feel towards me? How do You feel towards me Lord (let my heart be filled with reverence at the asking)? Do I break Your great Heart with my sin? Can one so small and insignificant as I make the True One grieve? How is that even possible? The "great" men on earth take pride in being unaffected by the jabs and hurts of those that are beneath them, but You, oh Lord? In this light, I reverently say that in the act of my sin I commit a crime of such depth and gravity as to crush my soul if I ever truly saw it for what it was. Forgive me.

Perhaps, in that hand that stretches out to father Adam, there is a Love unlike anything that Man can return. Perhaps the Love is deeper than we can know. Perhaps this is the same Love that You have for me. Perhaps.

Failure.

I look forward to the day when Up is Up, Faith is Sight, and Joy remains. I look forward to the day when father Adam becomes brother Adam, as we both look to the Father who Loves despite failure.

Please Lord, don't cease to wrestle with my foolish heart.

Grace and Peace to you all in the name of our Lord and Savior, Jesus.

MID-WEEK Confession #33: The One-Up Prayer-Warrior

2010-02-10T16:25:00.000-08:00

I'll admit, I fall into this category from time to time. The "one-upper prayer-warrior" is the topic of the DAY.

What exactly is such a person you may ask? Well, have you ever prayed in a group- and it seems as if each person praying attempts to 'out-do' the person before them by changing up their prayer? Below are three trends I've noticed in group prayer life, and a few remedies I've concocted...

1) The 5th grade vocab-dealers: Those people who throw in snazzy 7th grade spelling-bee vocab to spice the prayer up a little bit, it definitely ads pizazz to any prayer when you hear someone say "And Lord, please continually provide propitiation for the plethora of trespasses we continually commit."

THE REMEDY: If they insist on showing off their impressive vernacular, I recommend busting out THIS puppy, requesting they pause their prayer, and reading the definition of every "big" word they use. I guarantee they'll think twice before using such lengthy verbiage.

*Note: The reason I've labeled it as 5th grade and not 7th or 8th is because my brother ended up in 3rd place at his 5th grade Spelling Bee for misspelling the word Vivacious. Basically, by saying 5th grade it was a cheap shot against him. Revel in it, oh brother.

Matthew 6:7

"And when you are praying, do not use meaningless repetition as the Gentiles do, for they suppose that they will be heard for their many words.

2) Recitation Gurus: (AKA The people who give you a Bible lecture during a prayer)

These people are usually classified as the ones who say things to prove how knowledgeable they are Biblically. They prequel their mini-prayer-bible-studies with statements like, "Lord, We know that Your Word tells us.." and continues on to quote half of the New Testament.

Yes, yes.. it DOES tell us that, but I'm sure HE knows what He wrote.

THE REMEDY: As the person praying this way gasps for a breath of air, usually before he/she begins to quote the remainder of the Sermon on the Mount, feel free to slip in, "AAAAA-MEN." The rest of your prayer group will be so relieved that you rescued them that they, in turn, will say AMEN, thus relinquishing hearing a few hours more of biblical recitation.

Luke 18:11-13

The Pharisee stood up and prayed about himself: 'God, I thank you that I am not like other men—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even like this tax collector. ¹²I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.'

"But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, 'God, have mercy on me, a sinner.'

Last but NOT least

3) The Oh-Lordies

These people are characterized by the people who say, "LORD", "GOD", or "FATHER" after every sentence. It will go something like "Lord, thank you for the day you have provided us with, and Lord, thank you for being in the midst of us. Lord, We just ask you humbly to, Lord, let your will be done, Lord"

Generally its using Lord, God, or another one of His titles like high school kids use the word "UM" in speech and debate class.

THE REMEDY: I absolutely NO clue.

Ecclesiastes 5:2

Do not be quick with your mouth, do not be hasty in your heart to utter anything before God. God is in heaven and you are on earth, so let your
words be few.

I just find it odd that this tends to happen whenever we pray around people who exemplify a level of Spiritual maturity that we either desire or think we have. Now, not everyone who "prays well" is doing so with the wrong heart, I just thought I'd share with you, IN JEST, some commonalities I see while praying with a group of people.

Are there any types of prayers you notice? How about some of the verses that I missed that deal with conversing with the Lord?

In Jest,

Prisc

Confession #32: I Met My Psuedo-Husband at a Gay Bar

2010-02-06T01:54:00.000-08:00

The long-awaited confession.

I know many of you have been asking what the story is behind this. I've purposefully neglected to tell it. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love Benjamin with every inch of my being. Maybe I just see how I "re-met" my husband-to-be at a gay bar as a moo-point. Meaning, it doesn't matter.

A gar bar you ask? (Yea, BRICK in POMONA, CA.) to be exact. Now the point I wish to clarify is why I was there to begin with.

An acquaintance of mine had sent me an invite to her birthday party online (FACEBOOK, you're getting free advertisement right now). It was a charity type-of deal in which you bring a toy to the club and that rids you of a cover charge. I totally loved the idea but I wasn't too sure about attending as there were a few other events that night that I was motivated to go to ( I am not a fan of "clubbing" or the environment it yields). However, my best friend Kristin talked me into going.

While on our way there, my over-protective, loving, father asked me what the name of the club was (so he could have our family body-guard meet up with me there) I told him the name and he "GOOGLED" it. The next text I read from my dad went a little something like, "You're meeting church friends at a gay bar?"

Now, this didn't phase me, as my dad often "jokes" with me.

It.

Was.

Not.

Joke.

Don't get me wrong, I don't mind gay people at all. In fact, I don't mind bars too much either. HOWEVER, If I am going to walk into a club and turn around to see two grown men (nearly in their birthday suits) kissing, I'd like to be advised prior-to. I had no idea.

Finally I found a few friends I recognized from my old church. We were all a bit frazzled at the circumstances. We sat down and began to catch up when it happened.

He noticed me.

My husband-to-be walked up to me and said, "hello". I had been formerly acquainted to him but nothing intimate. So how did I respond? Oh, you know me. I played it "calm and collective" by ignoring the poor chap. That's right. I ignored my future husband. Rejected. Denied. Ignored. Just a few of the words to describe how I responded to him..

He walked away, head hung in shame.

Our party moved its way to the dance floor. I can't say I didn't watch him all night, because I did. He didn't talk to me, though. I guess it didn't dawn on me that I IGNORED HIM not even an hour earlier. So how did I get his attention? I had his number from a year earlier when we were working in a homeless ministry together sooooo I utilized my Blackberry and I texted him, "So this is awkward". Ohh yeahhh, your girl is smooth. (Lines like "So this is awkward" are the best way to break the ice when you are two heterosexual people who have found themselves unintentionally in a strictly homosexual environment.)

After that, I think Ben knew he was texting his future Mrs. May. Ben went on to ask me out on a date, to which I cordially accepted his invite. After the date which took place less than a week later-- Wow.. all I can say is I have tasted Heaven's nectar and found it sweet!

Bone of my Bone, Flesh of my Flesh..I met the man I was created for at a gay bar.

Confession #31: The Subtitle Lies

2010-01-30T00:43:00.000-08:00

I lied, not just once.. but continually.

You see, Sundays, I am not at church. Actually, it has become quite a rare occasion that I will actually attend church on a Sunday. The startling conclusion I have come to is this: church does not have to happen on Sundays.

Granted, Ben and I are in the process of finding a new "home church" if you will. However, I really believe that we've (as Followers of Jesus Christ) have forgotten what it means to be THE CHURCH.

You may say, or think, "Wow this girl is very immature in her walk with the Lord if she is just realizing that the church is not a building," and part of that may be true, I still have so much to learn. However, the point I am trying to make is that being The Church is a lesson we never really cease to be taught.

Upon leaving my previous "home church," a building that presides in Corona, Ca. A few friends and I began to "do Church" at a local park where homeless people live. I figured if the homeless people couldn't get to a church, THE CHURCH will go to the Homeless. After all, Jesus never said to bring people to Church but He commanded THE CHURCH to go to the people. Amen? With that being said, friends would ask me where I attended church. When I would respond with "Well I don't have a "church" per-say." This response was generally followed with looks of absolute astonish meant and questions regarding why I "left the Faith".

"Church" in Greek is the word "ekklesia" which refers to an assembly or "ones who were called out." That is what it was understood to be in Biblical times. So where did our perception of THE CHURCH go wrong? Honestly, I have no idea. One thing I do know is that The Church. TC, if you will. Is a living, breathing organism. It functions in pristine condition. It moves where it is commanded to, directly by a Supreme Being who sees all, knows all, and IS ALL.

So please, excuse the lie as the Lord is really teaching His church how to be just that, The Church.

1 Corinthians 12:16

"So that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it."

MID WEEK Confession #30: I killed the Disciples

2010-01-27T14:57:00.000-08:00

Not only do I kill fish for the sake of sushi and sashimi, I have cold-milked murdered them as well. The story goes a little something like this:

When I was a little girl (because that simple statement shifts the blame off my impressionable self and onto my parental figures) I owned four goldfish. Their names were Peter, Luke, John, and some other Biblical name, not necessarily in that order nor in any order of Biblical importance (unless it was done so in a subconscious fashion).

Anyways, these fish were quite the catch ( which is a hilarious play on words. I should write a blog about how funny I secretly think I am) however, I was unsatisfied with them (what can I say, I'm a female, we are never satisfied). I wanted the fish to be bigger, like the ones I'd see in my homeschool books.

I remember how my mom always coaxed me to drink my milk by saying, "it will make you grow big and strong." I'm pretty sure Barney the Dinosaur had a campaign quite similar every time he ate a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I took that saying to heart and, accordingly, I poured the residual gallon of milk (that previously had resided on the door-self in our refrigerator) into the fish tank. The clear, fresh, water parted as a thick milky fog settled in. I walked away feeling very accomplished.

Consequently, when my dad (quite frantically, might I add) told me that milk will not make my fish grow, I swore he and my mother had lied to me religiously (not about religion, just in a religious fashion) and I never drank it again. Till this day I still hate dairy milk.

Soy milk, I can tolerate. After all, if anything, it will just make my fish more feminine?

(by the way, I've had to pee for the past half-hour but I'm determined to finish this blog, you should feel appreciated, dear invisible reader)

Confession #29: A New Spiritual Gift on the Market

2010-01-09T00:41:00.000-08:00

In all insincerity, I think there is a new Spiritual gift on the market in today's society. What is that, you may ask?

1) On the Market: Being Poor.

HOW ON EARTH IS THAT A GIFT? Well, it isn't a gift directly but in a subtle indirect fashion, it is a gift. I'm not referring to absolute poverty yielding starvation and malnourished stomach-babies. I am referring to the poor in Spirit kinda deal.

2) How to obtain said gift:

You see, most people believe that being poor, or poverty, is something one is born into. Not in this case. POOR IN SPIRIT is one poverty that one can not be born into.

The irony is that being poor in Spirit requires one to come to the realization that they are Spiritually bankrupt. Someone who is P.I.S realizes that they have nothing to offer God that He is in need of other than their devotion to Him

Poor people resort to begging. In the same manner someone who is P.I.S will beg of the Lord to experience Him on a weekly, daily, hourly basis. It causes you to look upon God with a reliance deeper than a new-born child has on its mother. It causes us to step out in a Faith that makes the lame walk, the blind see, and the demons-- cower in defeat.

Perfect examples of men who have exemplified "being poor"

1) Gideon - Gideon (whose story may be found in Judges 6) began as a "nobody" and the Lord, in turn, made him a somebody. His story reminds me of a statement Martin Luther made, "God created out of nothing. Therefore, until a man is nothing, God can make nothing out of him."

2) Moses- Moses spend the first 30 years of his lift trying to be somebody. After he realized he is nothing in comparison to "I am" (or in Hebrew, "HE BE"), he spent his life trying to be a nobody. "But Moses said, "O Lord, please send someone else to do it. Exodus 4:13"

3) Paul- Paul was another one of those who started off as a somebody and became a nobody when the "poor in Spirit" was bestowed on him.

All these men realized the distinct difference between God needing to use us for His Glory, and God wanting to use us for His Glory.

3) The Gift: The Kingdom Of Heaven

Being Poor in Spirit requires a supernatural humility that Christians learn as they truly follow Christ. The Gift, is the Kingdom of Heaven.

Someone once told me that there is no room for pride before the throne of the Lord. Makes sense, because you have to come before Him as a beggar, pleading for His grace and thanking Him for His Faithfulness.

"Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven."

Matthew 5:3

Confession # 28: No Pain No Gain

2010-01-02T10:54:00.000-08:00

I am starting to think I have an obsession. With Pain.

Why, you may ask?

Welp, because I really like tattoos and every time I get one, while cringing with pain, I make a statement along the lines of "ILL NEVER GET ANOTHER TATTOO!!!" Yet, 6 months later- 9 if the desire is full term- I'll find myself back in that chair discussing other designs.

So while writing this blog, I was going to name the blog something along the lines of "Confession #28: I am a ______" The stumbling block in this situation was that there were two very appropriate words for someone who enjoys pain. Masochist, or emo. I couldn't choose, hence the crummy title.

Confession #27: My Facebook Status Has Changed

2009-12-26T12:17:00.000-08:00

Now, I know this isn't really a "confession" because the subject at hand is evident and visible. However, for those of you who are not my Facebook friends, I just thought I'd update you. My relationship status on Facebook changed to now read: "Priscilla is in a relationship"

"Why do I care?", you may ask.

Well, because anyone who is someone in this world knows that it is not "official" till it is "facebook" official.

The written word supersedes the verbal.

A Bad Case of Worms: December 2009

2009-12-19T12:22:00.000-08:00

Bookworm has not always been a Pop-Cap game. In fact, it usually refers to someone who enjoys reading. Worms dig and dive, nerds dig and dive into books they like. Go Figure.

I read often, and often I feel like I have a lot to say about what I read. The best place to do it? A blog. Why? Because the best place to write about what's already been written is the internet. Point. In. Case.

I think the best way to categorize the books I'm going to ellaborate on would primarily be by genre, then alphabetically.

So my reviews for the month of December:

Motivational/Inspirational:

The War of Art. Steven Pressfield. Warner Books, 2002.

^This book moved me.

Sci-Fi/Futuristic:

Futureland: Nine Stories of an Imminent World. Walter Mosely. Warner Books, 2001.

^ An interesting concept, however I feel Walter Mosely parallels with Octavia Butler when it comes to the concept of their writings. The book creeped me out quite a bit, definitely got chills a few times.."...But It could be a dream come true providing that's what you are into. Is that what you're into?"

Tada!

Okay well, while writing this I have come to terms with the fact that writing about reading isn't nearly as welcoming in my soul as reading about reading is.

Confession #..whatever: I'm a Kleptomaniac

2009-12-05T17:48:00.000-08:00

pride.

I believe its one of the most powerfully evil forces. After all, everyone suffers from it. Lately the Lord has been showing me so much about pride.

I heard Britt Merrick say something along the lines of, "The most important thing to God is His Glory." Oh, this did not settle well with me. HIS GLORY? That sure sounds narcissistic, right? Not in the least. When you really sit down and pray about that concept, chew on it, let it rhueminate in your heart, it makes a lot of sense.

Why were we created? To worship the Lord, to bring Him Glory.
Why were we given free will? Because when we aren't forced to love God, but choose to, He is all the more glorified.
Why was Lucifer cast out of heaven? Because of his pride, he attempted to rob God of His Glory.

Perspective: Something that is perfect (which is a difficult concept to grasp because imperfection -humanity, can not yeild or fathom absolute perfection- Divinity) is worthy of being Glorified. Someone who was, is, and will always be the epitome of perfection has every right to be Glorified. The reason hard for us to grasp because when we, as imperfect humans, desire glory- it comes off as cocky, selfish, conceit. Why? I believe the key word here is imperfect. Someone who is imperfect has no reason to desire to be exulted. However, sheer perfection has every reason.

It all started to click. I had it all wrong.

You see, growing up, all the people that I have admired have been the ruthless, cut-throat, out for them self kinda person. The "Lee Iacocca"s in this world. The overly motivated, stepping on the lower people, lacking humility kinda people. However, I'm starting to realize how unattractive it is to be that person.

The Lord says to humble yourself in His sight and HE will exalt you. There is such a beauty in meekness and humility that I can not explain. We all admire the down to earth people yet desire to be well known and praised. Why? Pride, of course. Pride is a sneaky way of robbing God of His glory.

It creeps in when you imagine it can't. It creeps into the pulpit at the worst times. During an altar call the pastor begins to think, WOW I must have really BROUGHT THE WORD. You see? Its almost as is pride masks itself as something else. It parades around in a facade that is so easy to miss.

It reminds me of the Spider Man 3 movie. Peter Parker is over-taken by this strange black substance. The substance latches on to him. It grows. Yet, he still appears the same. Same physique. Same costume (just black). Its fascinating. That is how I envision pride as being; a strange entity that doesn't quite transform you but rather, masks you. It deceives you and everyone around you. It desires to be powerful, strong, perfect, and it can never be any of those things. It is willing to kill, steal, and destroy just for the sake of robbing God of what He is doing.

I love when my dad tells me that the Lord is more concerned in what He is doing (and going to do) in me, than through me. It reminds me of the heart and desires of the Lord. What I can do for Him isn't the main focus so much as what He is doing in me, and in return, I am to glorify Him.

Oh Lord. Please never let me rob you of YOUR glory.

Confession #25: It Just Got Real Up In Here

2009-11-28T13:49:00.000-08:00

Ever notice that its the eccentric people we're most drawn to? By eccentric I am using the positive connotation. It is the happily weird, abrupt, random, joyous people; the people who aren't afraid to live vicariously through themselves.

Its the people who you'll never hear say, "I don't care what people think," (because that statement incriminates you as someone who cares too much about what people think) when they are doing something that might be perceived as odd.

Eccentric people are the ones we glare at when we watch them doing the Hokey Pokey in line at Disneyland and being sincerely happy as they do it.. the glare comes off as judgemental disdain but in reality its out of mere jealousy. WHY DO THEY HAVE THE FREEDOM TO DO THAT BUT I DON'T? We ask.

Now notice how in the above paragraph I mentioned the people were sincerely happy. I did not say they were highschoolers doing things for attention. An eccentric person's age is irrelevant, and their reason for doing the things they do is simply joy. It is not for attention. It is not to cause a scene so a cute chap would notice you. It is not so you can give your life fabricated meaning. It is because you enjoy the meaningless life that you already have.

Next time you find yourself tilting your head and wondering why a person does what they do, like wear socks with sandals, conduct choreographed light sabre scenes in their drive way, or walk around in cut-off overalls, I urge you to evaluate yourself and conclude if your criticisms are out of jealousy of freedom and happiness.

I have come to realize the socio-acceptable stereotype of a nerd, outcast, loser, or geek are, in reality, people who are just happy with doing what makes them happy. They enjoy playing video games, talking about world of warcraft, thinking up Mac v. PC jokes. Some of the kids I envied most growing up were the out casts. They were so far shodden from the popular kids that they just lived their lives vicariously through themselves.
Those people are free and they are happy. Just because you aren't does not give you room to judge, eh?

I think we secretly desire to be those people. We desire to love the life we lead. And what's so wrong in that?
Freedom is something worth being jealous over, Don't be a slave to bondage any longer.

In Jest,
Prisc

Confession #24: Popsicle Stick Hearts, do melt.,

2009-10-24T13:59:00.000-07:00

My dad always would ask my brother and I if anyone ever said something to us that negatively affected us growing up. For instance, if someone told a young girl she was fat- it could potentially lead to an eating disorder later in her life. My daddy was always cautious and careful to guard his children. I can't say I particularly remember a situation that permanently left me scarred.. However, I remember one vividly in which I was the one that held the knife that others fell victim to...

I can't really tell you my exact age. In reality age is just a number and numbers, as we all know, are absolutely irrelevant to life lessons (or at least I told myself that when I failed a math test in Mr. Smith's Algebra 2 class). One thing I can tell you that is exceedingly valuable to this story, is that I was a narcissistic ass who was only out for her own well being. (the first step to resolving a problem is admitting you have one, right? ;) )

I was up at Heavenly Skii Resort in Lake Tahoe, California, for skiing lessons.

Poignant points of remembrance: Cold, Snow, hurt to fall, cute skii instructor, "cool" girl named Sky, a brother and sister vacationing from Mexico

I automatically clung to the "cool" girl named Sky ( all the cool kids have earthy names as remnants of their parents impregnated drug usage during Woodstock, apparently). Sky and I spent a majority of our time trying to impress the cute instructor, who's name I have long forgotten. Sky was pretty, cool, and from a popular surf city. She was my ticket to getting the ski instructor (who was probably 10 years older than me) to notice me. I paid very little attention to anyone but Mr. Instructor and Sky. Everything was going as planned, until the girl from Mexico wanted to ride the ski lift with Sky and I; however, we had other plans of riding with the Mr. Instructor. I looked at the girl, she had bronze skin and pretty dark brown hair pulled up in a pony, mushed under her ski cap and goggles. She looked awkward. She was a full head taller than both Sky and myself and she spoke very little english. No, this would not do, this girl does not fit into my selfish agenda. I looked at her and shook my head, "No, we do not want to sit with you, go back and sit with your brother." She turned around and awkwardly slid on her skis back to her brother who was behind us in the line. I felt so accomplished. I now was sitting next to Mr. Instructor and Sky. I was somebody. I had status.

After exiting the lift, I turned back only to see the unnamed girl who I had just wronged, suffocating in the tears that I had inflicted, as her brother consoled her. At that time I felt no remorse. Now, I feel nothing but.

You see, I have no idea how my cruelty to that girl affected her. I have no idea who she is now, I don't even remember her name. If I could I would embrace her and tell her how cruel children could be, and how perverse human nature is.

Now, My heart always breaks for the outcasts, the poor, the lonely, the forgotten, the "uncool", the disabled, the elderly, the freaks of nature, the "retards"... the sinners. I would rather sit and dine with them a million times over that ski instructor or the socially acceptable peer.

'Jesus loves the outcasts. He loves the ones the world just loves to hate' ~Reliant K

My God, Jesus had it right.

Confession #23: Pressure from Pseudo-Peers

2009-10-17T22:39:00.000-07:00

I have recently read in an article that the reason why a majority of "bloggers" forfeit a successful blog is because they don't blog frequently enough.

This, of course, impressed upon my an excuse as to why I am a blogging failure as opposed to a blogging prodigy. Hah. Well, I don't blog often enough. I almost feel like I was succumbing to peer pressure by writing out "new concepts" to blog about or even "funny experiences in priscilla's life"... I mean, the BLOG HAS TO BE ENTERTAINING. I want a standing ovation after reading said blog. I wouldn't mind an encore either..

However, recently I've really been thinking about it. I log on and blog when I have something to say. I blog when I need to write. Writing is a form of expression to me that is vital to my processions regime. I write to think, I don't think to write. Some may say that this reasoning is backwards, and that may be true; however, I write when I need to work through things. When one sees their thoughts written down it either minimizes or amplifies their importance. I write when I need to really visualize a lesson being learned or an emotion being worked through.

Therefore I'd like to leave you with this: Quantity in no way equates quality. My reason for blogging isn't to entertain so much as it is to visualize the struggle of a young Follower of Christ.

Confession #22: Asphyxiation via Kiddie Leash

2009-10-03T13:53:00.000-07:00

[..and so it begins..]

Questions and "what ifs" plague ones mind to mere insanity when you look for an answer that only the Omniscient Supernatural can give, and has yet to. I sometimes wonder if is this a not the right guy scenario or a not the right time one?

While praying today at a local park, I watched the children play, and a mom laugh at with kids, as she buttoned up their sweater to brace them for the nippy air as they flew down the slide. I watched this little boy walk his dog, run with his dog, and enjoy its company. Amidst the silence and recollections of what I had need of praying for. I finally asked, "LORD WHY did that happen and WHAT was the reason? I know you don't have to tell me and that's where faith would come in-- but please, show mercy and give me a sign or answer?"

It may seem like a foolish prayer, I'll admit. To be honest, I didn't even pray with faith of receiving an answer. I mean, why would God give me an answer when I pray with my eyes open and don't bow my head? Distracted again by the same kid playing with the dog, I watched as the dog decided against walking in the direction of its master. The boy slightly tugged the dog in his immediate direction and it fought even harder. It pulled and fought, enamored by a little bug in the grass. The boy had a better plan for that little pup if the dog would only follow him; but no, the dog was so set on the bug to the point where the dog would nearly choke itself to get towards it...
I almost sensed a voice in my spirit whisper, "that's you"....

Me? A little dog so set on a bug in the grass? Sometimes I look at a child with a Kiddie leash on and feel horrible for them. I suppose its just interesting to see how what we see as "unfair" "confinement" and "a leash" is really- at times, a parent's whisper of "just trust me, I know what is good for you, I see more than you see and have learned more than you learn. I will not withhold what is good from you." Yet we strive for that bug, we fight, and God is still merciful and patient with us. We begin to choke ourselves with our desires, even if they are not what He has planned, till we are bruised and hurt and asking WHY as if He pulled the leash tighter as opposed to us walking further...

"For the LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor;
no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless"
Psalm 84:11

Confession #21: Few and Far Between

2009-09-26T09:41:00.000-07:00

Mathematical Lesson for the day:
Blogging(x)= Good waves (y)

I know, Blogging=Good Waves seems to be a difficult equation. But I assure you, by the end of this post you will have mastered the concept.

Blogging, for me, is like ocean waves that are good for surfing- both are few and far between. Hear me out, its not that I don't love sharing my unique, ostentatious, eccentric, colloquial thoughts with you... Its just that entertaining notions, thoughts, concepts-- much alike blogging and good waves(and clean rooms) are (say it with me) few and far between.

Now, Where am I going with this? Hell if I know. Most of my clogs (and blogs) I never know the what I'm going to write or accomplish to begin with. So what else has been few and far between? Silence. Not just any kind of silence, but the kind of silence in which you sit and bathe yourself in the presence of a real and living God. The kind of silence that, upon exiting, yielded the best conversation you have ever had.
Welp, the opposite of silence is by no means entropy or chaos, but it could potentially be silence- manifesting itself in a far more vulgar and undesirable form. The silence of being unheard.

I often tell myself that other Christians go through the same thing, it helps me cope. Granted, I may be telling myself a lie- but don't judge me (or you'll be judged by the same measure. bwhaha) I forgot where I was about to go with this. Oh, yeah..

Sometimes I feel like this whole trek of Following Jesus has be like body boarding in the ocean. When you first get out and bathe yourself in the essence of it, when you finally jump in feet first where the water is too deep to touch the sea floor and your heart to swollen with God's truth that you have nothing to hold on to but Faith, that is when everything seems wonderful. You have a golden glow when you are in the water from both the Sun and the Son. You're holding on to that foundation of Scripture, the foam that keeps you afloat --the board that you trust to bring you security, joy, and a fulfilling journey. Then the waves come. You ride that first wave as fast as it could take you with almost an Utopian feeling. It doesn't bring you back to shore but places you safely back to the bottomless water that you've fallen in love with. All is right in the world. More waves come, but the large ones are few and far between. Then it happens, a large wave of life's experiences come. You face it head on and full throttle with the intentions of riding that baby to shore. And you ride it. And it rides you. And that foam board you held on to doesn't seem as sturdy... you start to question it; you swallow some water of life's experiences only to find it bitter and leaving you thirsty. Finally, that wave was so large, harsh, and forceful you slide up to shore. Sand flurries in between you and that board leaving your skin scraped and bruised. the sting of salt on the open wounds leaves you grimacing. You attempt to catch your breath as you flop nearly lifelessly onto the grainy, hot painful shore.
You lay in silence, unable to hear the whispers of the wave over your heavy breathing.

I find myself in that position daily. When everything began, when I started on the adventure of a life with Jesus Christ, that water felt Glorious. But after being beaten down, scraped, bruised, and broken, the water stings my open wounds. The board is harder to hang on to, and at times I resent its coarse surface. I'm lying nearly dead on a hot sand bed wondering why that last ride was more painful than the others.

I let go of the board and don't hold it nearly as close. I don't read the Bible every day. It doesn't seem as romanticized anymore. I often forget that if it wasn't for that board keeping me afloat, I would have drowned under that vigorous wave. Yet I let go of it just the same.

Confession #20- Fiery Darts

2009-09-19T14:00:00.000-07:00

I reached an all-time high level of conviction.

Interestingly enough, I was reading over 1 Samuel 31.

At first glance it seems like one is able to take the chapter for its face value, however, there is so much behind it.

A furious battle against the Israelites and Philistines was raging on (surprise, surprise), and in verse 3, Saul is finally hit by arrows. Man down, Man down! You'd think this is the end for this evil (once Spirit filled) man.

But Saul is not killed, just severely handicapped. It comes to the point where Saul asks his armor bearer to kill him, lest the Philistines torture him! When the armor bearer refused, Saul took a sword from him, and fell on it.What stuck out to me was not Saul's attempt at death, so much as what happens right before it.

Saul, at one point, was anointed by the Lord. Saul's disobedience and blatant refusal to adhere to the Will of God cost him his anointing. At this point in time, Saul is no longer anointed or seeking after the Lord.So the arrows were airborne, and they fell...

Reminds me of Ephesians 6:16 "...above all, taking the shield of faith with which you will b able to quench the fiery darts of the wicked one."

So Paul is saying Satan is constantly shooting these crazy, fiery, arrows at us. What defends us? Our faith in Jesus Christ.

It makes one wonder, if Saul had the RIGHT kinda armor on, would the outcome had been the same? You see, Satan shoots these fiery darts of temptation and sin at us constantly. Without the right kind of armor- the spiritual kind- one will fall victim to them.However, the darts don't always kill you. No, at times they do far worse.. They leave you in a painful, vulnerable state. A state in which we have two options, to call (IN FAITH) upon the name of our Savior and plead for His intervention, or we can take matters into our own hands,fall on our own swords, and commit spiritual suicide. When the fiery darts are pinning you low leaving you handicapped, don't be one of those who commit that spiritual suicide, but rather, remember that we have a God who FIGHTS FOR US

.Nehemiah 4:20:

In the place where you hear the sound of the trumpet, rally to us there.

Our God will fight for us

Confession #19: Miracle of Shortcomings

2009-09-16T14:00:00.000-07:00

I have a crush on Peter.

Acts 3 is one of those renown Bible stories, Peter and John heal a lame man. What caught my eye was Peter; what a change in this man!

Peter was the disciple who cut off Malchus' ear, sunk in the Sea of Galilee,& denied Jesus 3 times as Jesus said would happen. Peter is someone that has easily been left open to criticism. You've got to admit, we read about Peter and see how big of a knuckle head he was. However, in all sincerity, we've done all those, and far worse..

Mark Batterson makes such a radical point in his book "In A Pit With A Lion On A Snowy Day."

“Peter gets a bum rap. Peter is the disciple who denied Christ three times, but he was the only one who got close enough to Jesus to get caught. Peter is the disciple who impulsively cut off Malchus’ ear when the lynch mob came to arrest Jesus, but he was the only one who came to Jesus’ defense. And he is the disciple who sinks in the Sea of Galilee, but he was also the only disciple who walked on water.”

Character building. The Lord used Peter's shortcomings to prepare him for what was to come... Peter's heart was being molded into that of a radical leader, a revolutionary for the sake of Jesus Christ. In Acts 3 we see this leader rising up to take captive the Power of the Holy Spirit promised by Jesus Christ. Needless to say, the explosion of faith, wisdom, and leadership seen in Acts 3 by Peter is supernatural."

Act 3:12 And when Peter saw it he addressed the people: "Men of Israel, why do you wonder at this, or why do you stare at us, as though by our own power or piety we have made him walk?Act 3:13 The God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob, the God of our fathers, glorified his servant Jesus, whom you delivered over and denied in the presence of Pilate, when he had decided to release him.

Act 3:14 But you denied the Holy and Righteous One, and asked for a murderer to be granted to you,

Act 3:15 and you killed the Author of life, whom God raised from the dead. To this we are witnesses.

Act 3:16 And his name--by faith in his name--has made this man strong whom you see and know, and the faith that is through Jesus has given the man this perfect health in the presence of you all.

Act 3:17 "And now, brothers, I know that you acted in ignorance, as did also your rulers.

Act 3:18 But what God foretold by the mouth of all the prophets, that his Christ would suffer, he thus fulfilled.

Act 3:19 Repent therefore, and turn again, that your sins may be blotted out..."

This really hits home, so often we say "the Lord uses our past and our testimony for His Glory," but its easy to say that and forget it 2 seconds later. Some nights are spent plagued with guilt, shame, remorse, or sorrow for the things of the past. I understand that, I've been there- trust.But check out Peter, a man who struggled with every fleshly ailment that we do.. (AND its recorded in the Bible!) the Lord TRULY used it for HIS Glory.

If Peter hadn't sunk in the Sea of Galilee, would he have had the faith to tell a man, "In the name of Jesus Christ, RISE UP and WALK"... I think not.If Peter hadn't cut of Malchus' ear, would he have truly understood that Jesus HAD to die? And thus teach of the significance of His murder? ..He may have but chances are it would not have been as passionate as we see here in Acts 3.If Peter hadn't denied Jesus those three times, would he have been able to stand for him in such a bold way in this passage? ...doubtful.

Don't let your past mistakes or past life deny you of God's redeeming GRACE through Salvation.Lastly, if Peter wasn't such a knucklehead, would we have as much hope in the transformation that the filling of the Holy Spirit brings?I know I wouldn't.

Confession #18: Easily Amused

2009-09-13T13:10:00.000-07:00

INDEXED

Confession #17: Other people's Confessions

2009-09-12T10:39:00.000-07:00

At times when I'm bored at work, I find myself doing extremely weird things.

Today's Confession:

Making up confession to post on http://confessions.grouphug.us/
Some people call this lying, I like to refer to it as using my imagination. I have yet to post a comment but sincerely, this is pathetic. People go on to anonymously "confess" stuff. At least my blog isn't anonymous. You all know that I'm a girl somewhere in her twenties that lives somewhere in the United States of America.
So that completely nullifies the fact that I'm not anonymous.

Anyways. These aren't just any kind of confessions, some of these are LOVE confessions. I mean chick flick stuff. I guess you could market this website as a means to glean foundations for movies that say, oh, Matt McConaughey would star in.
Just a few of the posts that have entertained me more than my job in real estate (which is not hard to do, mind you)

1) Oh, my dear V, you look so beautiful with the rain running down your face and around your bright grin. I’m glad that I walked with you, even if it took an hour longer than my normal route.
I even got to borrow a coat and it smells of you and the dust from your cuboard.

2)I hate it when people type by punching the letters with their fingers. What about soft, smooth strokes? Why do you have to attack the keyboard?

3)I just watched a ANT kill a FLEA for 20 minuets.It was pretty cool. Then the ANT(I named her Bella) Carried the FLEA(I named him Garth) In a circle and then killed them

You're right you guys, who am I fooling? There's NO WAY I can write anything more ridiculous than that. Sigh. I suppose I will maintain looking up properties at the moment. Someday.. Someday..

Confession #16 - Spellcasting

2009-09-11T12:02:00.000-07:00

So lets see, next confession.
Uhm,

Okay here's a good one. I actually do harbor one addiction- still. Its probably one of the worst I've had, the hardest to shake. If I were to go to a recovery class (which I don't intend to because I still thoroughly enjoy this addiction) my intro would go a lil something like:

Hi I'm Pkilla, I'm a level 57 Ret Pally. I enjoy runs, grinding, and making a lot of money in the Auction House.

Still no clue? That's right. I play World of Warcraft. Generally unreligiously in a religious fashion. Now if you say "that's so unlady like" you must be my mother and I don't know why you're reading my blog to begin with.

However, if you say "wow that's rad!" I must have you know I was level 54 last night meaning, thats right, I jumped 3 levels by doing a few instance runs, and no one's the wiser. ;-)

Confession #15 - Eaten Alive By Cats

2009-08-22T14:11:00.000-07:00

"I actually really liked Nick's cat.. I may even want a cat at my place"
"Yeah Priscilla, but cats will eat you if you are dead"
"Why would I care what is eating me if I'm dead anyways?"

It was amidst that conversation that reality dawned on me. I don't care if a cat eats my body when I'm dead...
which led me to think..
I really don't care about anything, anymore. It is not even that I only care about myself, if anything I probably don't care enough about myself.

For up until o(O)ur six month anniversary, God and I were having a rad, intimate, honeymoon. Daily we'd dance and whisper love to each other. After about 180 days into the relationship, we hit turbulence.. and we hit it hard.

I started mistrusting Him. Do You really want what's best from me? Are you withholding things from me despite the fact that You know I desire them? How long do you expect me to wait on You, Really?

The greater I mistrusted Him the more He convicted me with responses to my mistrust.. "...I have a future of HOPE for you" "I do not withhold things from the righteous" "Wait upon the Lord."

restless. insomnia. lack of joy. pain. Yet I'm called to love. In preperation for my future I am realizing that love is not a gushy, warm feeling so much as it is a choice. A choice to wake up everyday and love Him despite the fact that I'm blind to Him. To love Him even when I can't hear Him... to love Him enough to listen to Him.

I am now understanding what I used to tell people, apparently I had no first hand experience, He never promised that bad things would never happen, He only promised to be there, fighting for us, when they do.

Confession #14 - Chercheur Street

2009-08-10T15:55:00.000-07:00

I am always entertained by people who narrate their life.

Simply because, I do the same. No, it is not a symptom of a mental illness (potentially a disorder, but not an illness. An illness constitutes something unwanted and/or detrimental) but rather a unique way of perceiving reactions and responses to the world about me.

As of late I've heard one of the most brilliantly provocative narratives. For the sake of remaining confidential, the protagonist can and will be referred to as Girl.

Girl had a lovely childhood, one that shunned disorder; after all, cleanliness is next to Godliness. Consequently, awakening to the scent of freshly vacuumed carpet and Pledge wood polish with a tinge of Windex had become a common occurrence for her. Her skin was bleached by the residual of Comet that lingered in the air after a cleaning day.

Girl took things much less serious than her mother- Discipline, and her brothers- Reason and Joy. You see, Girl's mother was somewhat stern and valued studies above above life (however that pans out is beyond me). So, Girl always hoped to become more like her father, Wisdom. She had a close relationship with Wisdom, but the more she focused on her father Wisdom, the less she respected her mother, Discipline.

Often times Girl's thoughts would drift towards what it was like to be dirty, to dance in the rain, to be a kid. Girl wondered what it was like to not have the best expected of her. Girl wondered what it was like to live freely, to go on adventures. She wanted to dance in the rain but was shielded by Discipline's umbrella. It was too for Girl, the pattern of life had stuck to her like honey sticks to hair. There was no getting out unless....

...Girl revolted; without a close relationship with Discipline, she forgot the love of Wisdom. She moved far away by the Side of the River. Girl would at times wonder if her move was justified- but her roommate, Ms. Independent, would often remind Girl of how alone she felt in the presence of Discipline and Wisdom. If it was not the probing by Independent that kept her from Discipline and Wisdom, it was her boyfriend, Pride. Pride never got along well with Wisdom, Joy, Discipline...

Causing Pride and Girl to fight often.

Pride's father, Jealousy, influenced him greatly. Pride would see how Girl looked at Purity and he hated it. Purity was one of the most handsome creatures Girl had ever seen. It was love at first sight for her. However, Girl knew her only chance with Purity was something Pride had robbed her from long ago. Pride would leave Girl beaten and bloody on the steps of her apartment on Chercheur Avenue. He dug nails into her unadulterated skin until she bled away any hope being with Purity. The scabs from the wounds left by Pride hardened and callused not only Girl's skin, but her heart. Pride stole every portion of Girl's heart. Finally Pride had brainwashed Girl to the point where she detested her family, Wisdom, Discipline, Reason, and Joy. Her skin was no longer bleached white by Comet, but scared and stained by the blood and wounds Pride inflicted.

Girl stayed with Pride over a year before she moved out. This move was even further than the first, not only had Girl forgotten what her families' names were, but she became closely acquainted with her new neighbor, Loneliness. Loneliness appeared to be quiet at first glace but when night came he would come home with Jack Daniels and their interaction would be so vulgar and obnoxious that it kept Girl up at night. Girl had no choice to be friends with Lonli, but she decided Jack was an acquired taste that she forced herself to stomach. . Finally Girl decided that was not nearly enough company in her home, so she invited Narcotics over often as well.
Narcotics ended up moving in with Girl to drown out the noise of Loneliness and Jack. However, just as every great story goes, a murder was being planned right under Girl’s very nose. Narcotics and Jack wanted the very life that Girl had failed to appreciate.

Confession #13 -Black Eyes and Christian Highs

2009-07-07T11:18:00.000-07:00

I have a matured and established "love-hate" relationship with my alarm clock. it loves to see me flail around every weekday at 5am, and I hate it for that. 5am is an un-Godly hour, yet I designated it serene so I may sincerely commune with God in silence. I've come to the realization that good intentions mean nothing. I wake up at 5am to spend time with the Lord.. yet I don't spend time with Him. I say I'm going to.. I look forward to our morning tea dates, yet I tend to blow Him off for the crisis I seem to face each morning.

Case in point: I woke up with a swollen black eye this morning. One that I did not enter my bed with. Panic. Frenzy. Vanity and fate all met at a startling climax before the sun even woke from its Eastern slumber.
-SO why did I ditch my quiet time this morning when I sincerely woke up early enough? Well God couldn't see me with a swollen black eye!! What on earth would He think of me?! ..great excuse, I thought. I slept through my church time with the King.. in an attempt to magically heal my eye. -

A friend once told me "I don't know why some people change churches; what difference does it make which one you sleep during?" I laughed. Clever. True. I put on my Pharisaical garb and danced around the fire of religion. Pray. Read. Bible thump. Speak Christianese. Lather, Rinse, Repeat, daily.

Well Priscilla, the ultimate slap in the face was realizing that I say He is the Healer- Yet I never go to Him for healing. I say He is a Warrior, yet I never let Him fight for me. I say He is a Father, yet I deny His love for me in a empty fit of vanity. We speak of a Great Commission yet we act like there's no "C" in front of the word.

Am I the only one who catches herself doing this?

My God, Your Kingdom does not consist in talk but in power. Give us Your power, a sincere hunger and thirst for Your abundant time (1 Corinthians 4:20)

Confession #12 - Silent Screaming

2009-06-25T13:15:00.000-07:00

Sinners teach valuable lessons too.

I'm often left intrigued after reading the Old Testament.. I wonder It never seems as appreciated as the New Testament. Maybe people just don't know the morsels of truth hidden amidst its pages. After all it talks about war/violence, suspense, and sex.. those 3 categories is what fuels revenue from movies, yet people over look it when its in the Bible. Go figure!

Lately, (since I'm perceived as 'crazy' for wanting to help homeless people..) I decided to start reading about other 'crazy' people highlighted in the Bible. Apparently, I'm no anomaly. Today's suspect: Hosea.

The Lord commanded him to marry a whore to emphasize the prostitution of Israel to Ba'al.

I'm starting to realize the depth of our whoredom. I began to beg God for forgiveness.. realizing that:

Society looks for the loving father they so desire, yet they run blindly through the streets amongst murderers, rapists, addicts and alcoholics in search of Him.

Society begs for chivalry, yet claims it nonexistent. Females search far for a man who is faithful, all while they play courtesan.

Society pleads for justice but has so skewed the word that it no longer holds a connotation drenched in dignity but one bathed in shame. Shame generated from not being cunning enough to escape getting caught.

Society advocates against poverty yet the rich are exulted in their hording of gold; the self-made man dies a restless death.

In anger Christians turn to God and point to the world:
YOU are a Father unwanted by His children,
YOU are a Husband, unwanted by His unfaithful wife,
You are a Just Judge imprisoned in the place of a criminal,
You are a Righteous King clothed in rags,

People are PROSTITUTING their God-Given gifts for a paycheck to paycheck security.

Yet pointing and screaming does nothing to accomplish change. Bloody knees, dirty hands, the stench of the homeless on your own clothes changes society. Standing out as opposed to looking in changes society. Yet we scream a silent scream, we forget what it sounds like to make a noise, to draw attention. We scream and no words come out. Silence. and His ears fall deaf. We scream.

Confession - #11 The Effective Fervent Prayers...

2009-04-18T14:57:00.000-07:00

Careful what you pray for.. ;)

[Scene.]

So let's say Susie walks up to Scott and says, "Scott I think its about time that I tell you-- I pray to God every night that we will get married."

What an awkward position. I mean, make your requests known to the Lord but what Susie asks for is pretty bold, is it not? However, we aren't going to speculate on if Susie was right/wrong in her prayers.. What I want to consider is.. How does Scott respond?

Response #1: The "pray against" technique.
I'm not sure if this would even be effective but its worth a shot on Scott's part. He could just counter Susie's prayer with a "LORD PLEASE NO" kinda deal.

Response #2: The "Pray You Outta My Life" prayer.
Title says it all yet I still find it worth expounding on. Sometimes when our church fam bam are in an 'unequally yoked' relationship we use this term. I've found it works. Why not apply it to this situation?

Response #3: The "Move away" technique:
Pray about it, and see if God is cool with the move, otherwise you'd be stepping into your own will kinda ordeal, but it is effective. Some associate this technique with the "change of number" one. Both are effective when done right.

In Jest.
Priscilla

Confessin #10- A Few Spicey Tips

2009-04-11T01:16:00.000-07:00

Things are better with a bit of spice.

Recently, I've heard how a lot of people are struggling with their quiet times..
They aren't long enough,
They aren't as in depth as they need be,
They don't happen at all...
or You fall asleep during them...
You know, the usual.

[Excuses are refreshing, aren't they? SYKE.]

So here are some tips on how to spice up that quiet time of yours. Keep the flame alive if ya catch my drift ;)

Tip #1~ One word. Cinnamon-air-freshener. (notice the hyphenation makes it one legitimate word) What is spicier then cinnamony goodness?

Tip #2~ Different versions. Try using a different version of the Bible. My friend Daniel, for instance, apparently uses the iPhone Bible.. I assume its more user friendly?

Tip #3~ Journal. This is something that assists in discipline as well as spicing up the quiet time. You see, when you journal you have a hard copy of your thoughts and prayers regarding quiet time. So when you are trying to figure out why the heck your wife just popped out triplets, go back and look at how fervently you prayed for children. Sucka.

Tip #4~ Change your perspective. "change of place, change of pace, change of perspective. I encourage you to change the pace and place of your quiet time. Bathroom, perhaps?I'm just sayin'.

Tip #5~ For those of you who fall asleep during your quiet times, there's no hope for you. Sorry.

Confession #9- Social Prostitute

2009-04-04T20:52:00.000-07:00

My mind wanders.

While walking on campus at UCRiverside, I caught wind of conversation between a guy and two girls in which he boldly proclaimed, "All girls are skanks!" I spent a majority of my time in Poly Sci discussion contemplating this statement of reason- or lack thereof.

At first, I was greatly offended by such a concept because personally, I would never sell my goodies to anyone. In other words, I'm no whore. However, while driving home today, T.I's song Whatever You Like permeated through my little Civics' speakers via some unimportant radio station. I was lulled into the rhythm and beats of what was seemingly a great song and began singing along…
REWIND, say what?!

You want my body? Need my body? As long as I got you I don't need nobody? So let me get this straight T.I, as long as I put out for you, you'll give me whatever I like? Baby, you're singing my song! Yes, I want you to give me Patron on ice because if you're going to take advantage of me when I'm drunk it had better be off expensive spirits. Wow, sounds like a deal- where do I sign the consent form forfeiting my self respect to you?
Oh Em GEE! No wonder the guy said all girls are skanks! It's either girls allow themselves to be manipulated into thinking a guy will take care of them financially if they put out for them OR a guy is taken advantage of monetarily because the girl "ain't nothing but a gold digger."

This perverse charade is becoming more and more prevalent in today's society.
Is this controversy avoidable/escapable or is our culture so accepting of this physical- monetary agreement being made by people everywhere?

I asked a few people this question, wondering if I was the only person feeling this way. A male friend told me its just the brutal reality of things, this behavior is culturally accepted despite its obvious flaws; he proceeded to tell me girls refuse to give him the time of day--or night, unless he showers them with priceless items. A female friend explained she actually does feel the need to satisfy a guy physically so he'd keep showing his affection in materialistic ways.
SCHWAT?

Is it so wrong that I care about something even when it's not my time of the month? Is it so wrong that I'm not a modern day prostitute? Sure I'm not parading around Fifth and Main in lacy negligee responding to questions like, "how much?", but isn't allowing this treatment of men and women just as indecent?
Where'd self respect go? Better yet- where'd being above repreach run off to? .

yadamean ?

Confession #8- Is That So Wrong?

2009-03-28T12:25:00.000-07:00

Sure, God is the Author of my love story, doesn't mean I don't consider myself the editor.
Is that so wrong?

Sure, I see that cute person at church and go out of my way to 'accidentally' meet them when the pastor tells us to greet eachother.
Is that so wrong?

Sure, I see the guy/gal I've had my eye on and I flop down in the pew next to them so we can hold hands during prayer time.
Is that so wrong?

Sure, I've creeped around to find out the name of the hottie sitting 3 rows in front of me, then added them on myspace and facebook.
Is that so wrong?

Sure, I've walked into the singles group at church to scope out my perspectives, then left before it started because I was unsatisfied with my options.
Is that so wrong?

Sure, I've asked my accountability group leaders about a particular person's relational status out of 'concern' but secretly it was out of interest.
Is that so wrong?

Sure, I've asked for an attractive person's number at church so I could send them "uplifting verses throughout the week."
Is that so wrong?

Sure, I've given my number out to people of the opposite sex so we could be 'carpool' buddies for church.
Is that so wrong?

This is just stuff I've witnessed happen. I'm guilty of having done a few in the past. But hey, you gotta admit.. its funny to watch.

Proverbs 16:9
A man's heart plans his way
But the LORD directs his steps.

Confession #7- ORMS

2009-03-21T15:34:00.000-07:00

I've formed a group, it may even become as official as a Facebook group soon!

ORMS.. or the ORGANIZATION FOR THE REMASCULINIZATION OF SOCIETY

RANT
I'm considering starting a club.. The Organization for the Re-Masculinization of Society, Who's down?!
I can, and will.
/RANT

FACT: There are historians who hold to the fact that one major reason for the fall of the Roman empire is because Roman men had become more and more feminine... thus establishing and inablility to protect themselves as well as their lovers.

Step ONE!: Defining the Problem
You boys and your 'chick' pants. Your perverse 'style' (if you can even call it a style) of clothing... eeeek!
Stop complaining that you can't get a mature woman. You can not because you apparently are gender confused and are unable to gird up your loins like a man.

It is unattractive to older females. Trust. SURE, not ALL older women -but probably 99.999999.....9 percent of us want a guy that can at least come off as 'classy'. I don't care what these little girls like and whatnot... its not gunna fly with any one over 18.

Step TWO!: A solutions
This whole straighened hair thing-- no thank you. It is FANTASTIC to be clean cut. Heck, even keep that 5 o'clock shadow if you can successfully pull it off. However, hair utensils such as straighteners and curling irons are generally for women... if you're that unsatisfied with your hair then BIC your head dangit.

Step THREE!: Yet another solution
WORK OUT!
If you're going to wear girls pants AT LEAST be over a 00 size! It is embarrassing for a girl when her boyfriend wears smaller pants than she does.Work out those gorgeous Latissmus Dorsi muscles the good Lord gave you so you aren't cursed with such a girlish figure. Guys ARE the providers and protectors. Good luck protecting your woman string bean.

Step FOUR!: Presentation is everything
WHEN shopping think: Class, comfort, professionalism, and sporty
NOT trashy, holey, dirty...
COMMON', Its embarassing when someone approaching you from behind thinks your a girl because of your clothing, figure, and/or demeanor.
Real men wear pink? Sure, some men such as Kanye and Will Smith pull off innovative colors effectively. This does not mean you will be able to. If in doubt- don't wear it out.

Step FIVE!: MAN UP!
self explanatory, pansy.

To sum it all up.. Take care of yourself, take care of your body- don't wait 3 days to shower because the oil from your unwashed hair makes a great styling product. Thats just gross. Grow up.
If I see any of you boys INTENTIONALLY acting more feminine than neccessary..I'll call you out on it. Stop ruining our future generations with this vile de-masculinization of their minds.

**if this blog offended anyone...
It probably pertains mostly to you.

Confession #6- Best Seller List, Female Pornography

2009-03-14T13:15:00.000-07:00

Guys are visual.
If this wasn't true why is porn a 10 BILLION dollar industry?
If this weren't true, why is $89 dollars a second spent on porn and why do 260 new porn sites go online DAILY?

So now after looking at the stats, its safe to declare guys being visual. A problem with male porn, aside from the fact that its a SIN, is that it gives guys an fabricated view of what love, sex, and girls are really like. Love does not equate to sex, sex does not last 3 hours, and girls are not all "Barbies." Agree? Of course you do.

But wait a minute.. statistics also show that only 72% of porn viewers are male. So where does the other 28% come from? Certainly not... women?

Girls are audio...and at times, visual but when the two mix you get...
The Notebook.
Yup. I went there. The Notebook is a fantastic example of female porno.

SCHWAT?! How could this be true? If you aren't thinking this is blasphemous I know you feel this statement is somewhat sacrilegious. BUT is it?

If porn, as we know it to be, gives guys an unrealistic idea of how love, sex, and females interact-- what do Hollywood romances give females?
You're right! It gives them an unrealistic idea of how love, romance, and males interact.

After watching The Notebook, women fantasize about the day when their very own Noah will build them that lovely white house with blue shutters; women fantasize about the day when their very own Noah fights for their love as the rain storms down, they visualize their makeup bleeding off their face (which is magically flawless in the next scene as they make love..?) intermingling with tears of joy and love. Women fantasize about a man who will fight for them.

The problem is, in Hollywood, men are fighting the wrong kind of battle.

I love the way Websters Dictionary describes pornography:
pornography:
noun
creative activity (writing or pictures or films etc.) of no literary or artistic value other than to stimulate sexual desire
That is exactly what romance novels, romantic films with steamy scenes, and Internet pornography are. Love, romance, and sex are meant to be beautiful things, pieces of art if you will. The battle a man fights for a woman is NOT to show her how much he loves her via 'making love'.. its the wait and patience he succumbs for her..

So many women's relationships fail horribly, or never even begin, because they define a 'gentleman' or 'prince charming' with the conceptualization what was spoon fed to them by Hollywood..
Want to read and visualize a real love story? Read Genesis 29:20 where "..Jacob served seven years for Rachel and they seemed to him but a few days because of his love for her." Or better yet, read the story of Ruth, and how she scored her kinsman redeemer who took care of her wonderfully. Read the story of Isaac and Rebekah and how he chose to love her after trusting God to give her to him.. Or even, read Elizabeth Elliot's story in Passion and Purity and see an example of her man who never once defrauded her honor to show his love.

A real man is NOT someone who will fight for you when someone else has you. A real man is not someone who will show you how much he loves you by "appreciating your body." A real man IS NOT someone who loves you because of how you look. That is a man who has been plagued with false ideals via pornography.

So what is a real man? A real man is someone who understands that a woman's heart should be so hidden in the Lord that he has to see HIM to find it. A real man sees a girl pray and thinks, "man she's gorgeous- look how she prays!" A real man, would die on that hill for you.

Romans 8:13
"For if you live according to the flesh you will die, but if by
the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live."

Confession #5 -"Do You take CHURCH to be your lawful, wedded husband...?

2009-03-07T23:37:00.000-08:00

I believe it is possible to marry inanimate objects.
POINT IN CASE:

Ever hear the saying, "When you date a girl you date her whole family"?
FACT.

We've known this to be politically correct.. But I now present to you a novel concept that floats around in our sphere of Christianity. Ready for this one?
"When you date a girl you date her whole Church"
FACT.

Ever notice the second someone becomes 'intentional' about getting to know another person wedding bells chime through the congregational pillars and seem to resound in the head of every person encountered thereafter. The triune of him-her-and Jesus now become a quad of him-her-they-Jesus with 'they' situating itself in a position to mediate between the couple and Jesus.

Example of congregational mediation:
"Its okay God, this couple will work out, their 'negotiables' fit together perfectly. YOUR plan? Don't worry your lil pinky off God, they work so well together, we've checked."

The congregation then communally feeds the flame with remarks alluding to engagement or weddings.

You'll know you're in trouble if these things happen before you even begin dating the person:

~Pastors handing you a 10% off coupon for the ceremony or even offers to conduct it for free.
~The elderly women of the church begin to take your measurements with the intention of making you a modest wedding dress.
~If you are not attending church functions with said person it is assumed that there's discourse between the two of you.
~You mysteriously receive emails from Christian book stores you've supposedly registered at with books like "The Love Dare" and "The Five Love Languages" on it.
~People ask you if your relationship is suffering if they see you talking to someone of the opposite sex who is NOT the person you've shown interest in.
~Married couples will randomly approach you and explain that love is a 'choice' not a feeling.

The couple- who was not yet a couple, then refuse any chance of being a couple, because the roar of the opinionated congregationers (word? maybe..) drowns out that beautiful, still- small voice.
EPIC FAIL.

A relationship was formed to be just as triune as the trinitary. Man- Woman- JESUS. For just reason, too.

Confession #4 -An Anti-Feminist Guide to Feminism

2009-02-28T13:32:00.000-08:00

I parade around as a pseudo-feminist.

Lately, I've been hearing something from girls- that leaves me appauled, convicted, and at a loss for words..

"I just need a guy to tell me how beautiful I am.. other wise, I am
insecure"

/Real talk
Since when was true beauty defined by how others perceive us as? I know this is a rut that girls constantly get themselves into. "I need a guy to..."
-tell me I'm beautiful
-tell me I'm worth something
-make me feel wanted

See something wrong here? I do. Here's the only bit of feminism (FACT: I am SO far from feminism that I actually had to google the correct spelling of the term) that you will get from this blog:
You don't need some guy to tell you all these things.

Wow. GIRL POWER! ..not really, because now I am going to follow that bold (no pun intended.. ) statement up with this:
You only need HIM to tell you those things.

Wait, WHAT? Contradictory? I think not.. Let's dig into this and find out what I mean, shall we?

Psalms 139:14-16
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.
My frame was not
hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the
depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book
were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet
there was none of them.

Now, the first time I ever heard this verse I was a wee lil lass. My mom bought a Christian workout video directed towards young girls. It was in the early 90's when stirrup pants and bright colored clothes were socially acceptable-- so bear with me as I paint this picture for you right quick

As I wore my tight spandex, I stood a whopping, 4 feet no doubt...the mullet-struck instructor repeated the verse multiple times..
YOU ARE FEARFULLY AND WONDERFULLY MADE

Brainwash much? Potentially- since the verse has stuck with me ever since.. but this is one thing I know to be true. The Creator of the Universe, The Alpha AND the Omega, Yahweh, Emmanuel.. Took JUST AS MUCH TIME on making you, then He did on making Adam and Eve- Esther- Samson- King David...
/end Real Talk

I'm not about to sit and talk about how true beauty is on the inside and will then permeate outwards.. Instead, I've decided to leave you (guy and girl alike) with a short quiz regarding VERY famous people- who represent two VERY different kinds of beauty. Answers may vary depending on YOUR heart..

Who is more beautiful ?

Paris Hilton or Mother Teresa

1Samuel 16:7
But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the LORD sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the LORD looks on the heart."

Confession #3- Be still.. meaning SHUT UP

2009-02-21T15:24:00.000-08:00

I talk incessantly

listen -- verb (used without object)
1.to give attention with the ear; attend closely for the purpose of hearing; give ear.
2.to pay attention; heed; obey (often fol. by to): Children don't always listen to their parents.
3.to wait attentively for a sound (usually fol. by for): to listen for sounds of their return.

hear –verb (used with object)
1.to perceive by the ear: Didn't you hear the doorbell?

I'm a talkative one. That much is evident
It's about time I learn to shut up and hear what is being said. Not just hear.. but listen.

Psalms 46:10
"Be still, and know that I
am God. I will be exalted among
the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth!"

Confession #2- Spittin' Game

2009-02-14T01:20:00.000-08:00

I know the secret to winning a Christian girl's heart. or at least make her laugh and give you digits.

The Secret: Tell her-- "the spiritual clothes you wear are so beautiful"

Although this was directed towards me, the gent [scott corgan :-X] had no intentions of using as a pick-up line. However, in retrospect, it totally works.

Seriously.

Upon hearing this expression my heart nearly melted. Not once have I ever heard a more beautiful description.

Many girls are used to hearing pick-up lines from the church boys that are-- well, less then appetizing.

For example:

1)Is it a sin that you stole my heart?

2)I just don't feel called to celibacy.

3) My friend told me to come and meet you, he said that you are a really nice person. I think you know him. Jesus, yeah that's his name.

Now that we've covered the blatantly wrong ways of hitting on a girl at church.. here's a few potential winners that I've come up with.

1) I know the Holy Spirit is attractive but I never really understood that till I met you.

2) Welcome to the Christian family, the only family where brothers and sisters are allowed to marry.

but honestly..

"Your spiritual clothes you wear are so beautiful"

OR you could just learn to be satisfied with our amazing creator and leave it all in His hands ;)

the fine print: PrisKilla nor ProjectPoiema is held responsible for the outcome of using any said 'pick-up lines'

Confession #1- Christianese

2009-02-07T15:05:00.000-08:00

I speak two languages fluently: English and Christianese.

Yes, its true. Christians officially have their own language. It is so conversationally sound that I've considered creating a Christianese --> English Dictionary [with a bonus Idiom Dictionary.]

Hypothetically, If I had.. would you buy it?

Here's a little sneak peek

Dictionary Portion:

Fleece(-ed)(-ing) fleece [flee-ced]
Verb
~a term used to describe asking God for a definitive sign
~derived from the story of Gideon in Judges 6 in which he laid out a fleece and asked God to do something miraculous to it in answer to his question
~commonly done by people who are not in tune to the Holy Spirit, therefore in need of a sign ~the doubting Thomas approach to faith
~ex: "Yeah, I layed out a fleece to see if Sarah was really the girl for me. Turns out she was not - I'm pretty sure Julie is now."

Saved saved [say-vd]
Adjective
~ regarding someone who has repented and turned from their sin
~used to describe a person who is no longer a heathen
~this phrase is prominently used in reference to evangelism

Secular sec⋅u⋅lar [sek-yuh-ler ..or lar depending on accents]
Adjective
~pertaining to heathens.

Bonus Idioms or Phrases:

"Back Slidden (-ding)"
Verb
This occurs when someone who is 'saved' falls off the face of the earth into their previous life of sin
Ex: Hey man I think we need to pray for Jake, he's back sliding pretty bad.

"Born Again" born a⋅gain [bore-n a-gayn]
Adjective
~used when describing someone who is 'saved'
~derived from Jesus Christ when He said in John 3:3 :
"Truly, truly, I say to you, unless one is born again he cannot see the kingdom of God."
~may be accidentally taken literally by the 'heathen' as re-entering the womb of one's mother
ex: Are you a born again Christian?

"Flirt to Convert"
Verb
~Used to describe evangelical people who flirtateously talk about Biblical matters with the opposite sex in such a way that they become 'born again'

"Love On" love⋅on [ <3]>ex: If a man walked up to a woman and said, "Christians don't shake hands, Christians gotta hug! " would be an example of an inappropriate way of ''loving on' someone

"Missionary Dating"

~an act in which already 'saved' people do in order to bring an attractive 'unsaved' friend to Christ so they would be able to date
ex: Sheri began to date Jared in hope that he would come to know Jesus through her example.

"On Fire" on⋅fi⋅re [on-fi-ya]
Adjective
~commonly used to describe a person who is constantly being filled by the Holy Spirit in such a way that it is evident. This phrase may confuse 'secular' people as they would take it literally.
~not advised to use this phrase around a Fire Dept.
ex: Have you spoken with Jon lately? He's so on fire!